I'd nearly forgotten how ugly he is.
Surrounded by a dozen people whose lives have ground to a halt because their jobs have disappeared, I couldn't help but feel incredibly, overwhelmingly fortunate. I may be jobless, collecting Unemployment Insurance benefits for the first time at the age of 38, but Fear doesn't shadow me like he does others.
My children are healthy, and the two who are adults are almost self-sufficient.
I still have health insurance, thanks to my ambitious and always-employed hubby.
I have a house and mortgage insurance that I'm in no danger of losing.
I have — at home — computers and access to the Internet.
I have a car and a valid driver's license.
Even if I wind up eventually losing some of the creature comforts I enjoy, I'll still be able to work a computer.
And I can read and write.
In other words, I'm spoiled.
Yes, it's time to thank the hubby
I know Fear personally — I recognize him by sight and sound, in the faces and voices of those around me — but these days I don't spend much time with him.
Once upon a time, the hubby and I lived paycheck to paycheck, utterly dependent on his jobs in the troubled manufacturing industry while I attended Michigan State University and got my career as a journalist off the ground.
Fear was always by my side, guiding my decisions.
I remember floating checks at the grocery store to buy food and baby diapers.
The children had peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches for dinner more times than I care to remember. The hubby ate ramen noodles for dinner more times than he cares to remember. (We were too proud to sign up for food stamps, although I did take part in the Women, Infants and Children - or WIC - program, which aims to ensure new moms and young children get enough to eat. That formula allowance was a godsend!)
Some months we paid the electric bill; other months we made the car payment. Rent always came first, of course, although it was often paid late. MSU was a good landlord, however, and gave us little grief.
I got to be pretty darn good at juggling the bills, staying just ahead of the shut-offs ... usually. The car was repossessed once; the electric turned off at least twice — maybe three times?
My first two children were born on Medicaid because the hubby wasn't offered insurance through his employer, which hired and kept him on as a temp for years.
I agonized over school shopping. There was never enough money — I remember the requirement of gym shoes, to be worn only in the gym, nearly gave me a stroke.
My children and I got all our clothes at thrift stores — props to Goodwill and, here in Milwaukee, Value Village. We still shop at both, although the girls started buying new clothes once they hit high school and earned their own money.
For the first five years we were married, I never developed a roll of film. I saved up the exposed rolls, taken with a camera given to me as a gift, until I got my first job and started helping out the hubby.
Speaking of that hubby: He never faltered. He worked hard — literally working his way up with muscle, sweat, elbow grease and smarts — and eventually made his way into a different field. He's now in information systems, and he has a relatively secure job.
As a result, Fear no longer shadows me.
The unlucky many
But today I was reminded how lucky I am.
Gloria Mitchell with Job Services at the Job Center of Wisconsin Northeast, who ran today's workshop, didn't pull any punches with us.
"In the 44 years I've worked for the state, I have never seen a job market this bad," she told us, adding that "there's no such thing as a secure job anymore," not even in government.
(Yes, Gloria knew Fear was in the room with us. She also knows she is among the fortunate few who needn't pay him any mind.)
The good news is, in other words, that we unemployed folks aren't alone. In fact, we're in pretty good company — and the party is damn crowded.
The bad news is, well, Fear is a roommate for many of us.
And that's why I'm recommending a stop at a local Job Center for anyone who doesn't have a job right now.
The centers, first and foremost, offer free computers, Internet access, fax and copy services, and phones to folks who can't afford such luxuries at home. Yes, I said free. And, of course, they provide job listings and help folks put together resumes and/or fill out applications so they can apply for said jobs.
They can also hook you up with the right people if you need additional help — say, with food stamps (or the Quest card, nowadays); energy bill assistance; basic job skill training; and so on.
Don't be too proud: The centers were created to help us. We pay for them with our tax dollars when we're employed; we're entitled to use them when we're not.
And they are invaluable, really, if you're trying to outrun Fear.
